Three Strategies for Supporting a Partner with Anxiety

Anxiety robs your partner. It robs them of the ability to “be present.” It robs them of the chance to give themselves a break. It robs them of the right to forgive themselves.

It robs them of feelings of accomplishment:

“If I have thirty tasks on my to-do list and I complete three, all I see is the twenty-seven unfinished tasks staring at me. That's how anxiety works.”

— Nina, 41 / USA

Relationships can be hard, and anxiety can make them much harder. If your partner is one of those affected, know that there are millions of individuals in the exact same situation as the one you two are facing. Sometimes it can be easy to forget what your partner is dealing with and — even if you also struggle with the condition — you may blame them for the challenges that arise in ways that don’t take into consideration how little control they have over their behaviors.

Here are three strategies you can use to better support them.

1. Practice Active Empathy

Adults with anxiety have it rough. Anxiety is true disability and is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association among many worldwide authorities. Unlike other disabilities (such as motor impairments), anxiety isn’t always obvious and outwardly visible, so it can be a challenge to consistently remember that many of your partner’s more frustrating attributes aren’t truly in their control.

This is where empathy comes into play, and that can manifest in many forms. It can be as simple as checking yourself when you’re about to say, “You don’t need a list for that,” “Relax,” or any sentence that begins with, "Why can’t you just…”

However, active empathy refers to taking dedicated, regular time to consider your partner’s perspective and intentions, as opposed to doing so reactively only when challenges or frustrations occur. How can you work active empathy into your life?

2. Familiarize Yourself with Anxiety’s Challenge Domains

While the medical community’s understanding of anxiety continues to change, the spectrum of behavioral symptoms that tend to accompany it are in many ways well-understood and agreed upon.

You could spend weeks learning about it in detail, but for the sake of supporting your partner in a practical way, it can be helpful to familiarize yourself with a few broad “challenge domains.”

1. Over‑preparing and over‑controlling

2. ​Avoidance (including subtle avoidance)

3. Reassurance‑seeking and checking with others

4. Perfectionism, overworking, and performance‑driven coping

5. Disguising, numbing, or dampening anxiety

Note: If your partner seems to struggle with a few of these “challenge domains,” then they likely struggle with most or all of them to some degree.

Becoming familiar with these challenges better equips you to understand why your partner behaved the way that they did in specific situations.

3. Meet Them Where Their Strategies Are.

If your partner asks you to participate in something that you feel fits into one of the above categories (e.g. over-preparing) or does something that affects your own stress (e.g. failing to let you help or collaborate on a set of tasks) it can be easy to roll your eyes or make a dismissive comment. Cohabitation requires sharing spaces — both physical and mental — so recognize when you’re helping and when you’re adding to their stress.

Remember: Anxiety isn’t logical. It’s emotional and deeply rooted. Going along with things that may seem unnecessary to you may go a long way in reducing household friction and making your partner feel seen.